Not Enough
by CatchWolfzie
Summary: When nothing but silence greeted Barry as he walked into the cortex, donuts in hand and a goofy smile on his face, he knew something was wrong. "Cisco?"


**This is my first fic for this fandom! I've been looking all over the internet and there just aren't very many Cisco fics out there, which is a shame because he's such a wonderful character. So I guess this is my contribution to the very small well of Cisco fans. Also I suppose if you squint you could see some Barrisco in here, but it's really just a friendship fic. Please review, and enjoy!**

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Normal saturday mornings for Barry Allen typically consisted of speeding through Central City, often with many unnecessary detours, to stop at Jitters, before zooming away again to STAR Labs. And once there, Barry would walk in with coffee and sometimes donuts, to the sound of keyboard strokes and loud music, and find Cisco, always the first at STAR, busy tinkering with some new invention. They would chat, hang out, and then start training just as Cailtlin click clacked her way in.

So when Barry rushed into the cortex to find it completely silent, monitors off, papers untouched, floor clear of metal or candy bar wrapping, he knew this was not a normal saturday morning. He set the coffee on the desk nervously.

"Cisco?" he called out, already heading to his friend's workshop. But this too, was devoid of life. The cluttered gadgets and tools looked incredibly awkward without the engineer rushing around to give them meaning. The whiteboard was even scrubbed clean, the markers slightly disturbed, like someone had been about to use it, but thought better of it.

Barry took a deep breath and walked back to the cortex. He grabbed his phone and found Cisco's number. It was just pushing eight, maybe Cisco had finally taken his advice about not working himself to death. And maybe the reason he wasn't answering his phone was because he had decided to sleep in. And he must have been sleeping pretty deeply to not hear his obnoxious Sherlock ringtone even after the fourth try.

Just starting to feel the first brushes of panic, Barry tossed his phone on a chair (maybe a little too hard) and called out one more time "Cisco!" At the beat of silence that followed, yellow lightning snaked across his pupils and he dashed out of the room.

Something was wrong.

He ran back outside first, to the parking lot, scanning for Cisco's motorcycle. He found it in its usual spot, but too far up, into the grass barrier, and overturned. As if Cisco hadn't cared enough to right it, or perhaps had dismounted in a hurry.

It was also still wet from last night's storm, which didn't make sense because it hadn't started raining until after midnight, and had stopped raining sometime in the night, and Barry knew Cisco's apartment building had a garage.

A uncomfortable thought twisted into Barry's gut. What if...Cisco had never left?

He zipped back into the building, this time running through every room. The treadmill room was empty, so was the speed lab. The med bay, the time vault, all of the various labs and workshops. The basement. The storage rooms. The bathrooms. Hell, Barry hadn't even known about the attic, but he checked it anyway and found nothing but dusty boxes. He kept running, if only so that he could blame the pounding of his heart on adrenaline rather than panic. It was his third time passing the pipeline that he noticed it. The cell was dark, but Barry swore he'd seen the slightest bit of movement. He came to a dead stop, panting. He walked toward the cell, raising a hand to a panel in the wall. The lights flickered on, revealing a crumpled form in the corner.

"Cisco!"

At the sound of his name, Cisco stirred, rolling over to face Barry. He opened his eyes and the deadness in them, and the dark circles housing them, gave Barry pause. Slowly, he typed in the code to open the cell and crouched down in front of his friend, searching for injuries.

"Cisco what happened? Are you okay? Did, did someone _do_ this to you, when did this happen? Who put you in here?" the questions tumbled out as fast as he could think of them. But Cisco didn't seem hurt, in fact he sprang right up after a second of blinking, and looked almost...nervous?

"Dude, yeah, I...I'm fine. What time is it?"

"What time...I don't know. About eight?"

"Oh. Damn, wow. I was hoping to be up before you and Caitlin got here," Cisco stopped, his expression grew more anxious, "Is Caitlin here too?"

"No, she's not. What exactly happened man?" Barry tried to place a hand on his shoulder but Cisco squirmed out of his reach, looking around quickly. He looked like a caged animal, searching for an escape route. Concerned, Barry moved closer. "Cisco?"

"N-nothing," Cisco stammered with forced enthusiasm. "I was, fixing up the cell and, well it was late...I guess...I just fell asleep in here?"

"You were working on the cell?"

"Yes?"

"With the lights off?"

"Yes?"

"And you just fell asleep."

"...Yes?"

"With the doors closed."

Cisco sighed, rubbing his eyes. He rooted around in his pocket for a moment before withdrawing a small remote. He didn't look up as he said, "I had a way out. I wasn't stuck in here or anything."

Barry just stared, not comprehending, or not wanting to. But something about the way Cisco's tone, usually snarky and upbeat, was so small and apathetic, the way he allowed his hair to hang in his face, how his shoulders sagged, it made Barry's heart break a little. Something was wrong, and he didn't know how to fix it. "Why did you put yourself in the pipeline?"

A long silence, during which Barry was sure Cisco wasn't going to respond.

"I haven't been able to sleep in a while," came the answer that wasn't really an answer, but it was something. "I thought it might be easier in here."

"Why would...you slept here all night?"

Cisco shook his head, sighing again. An exasperated look crossed his features as he looked up, and for the first time Barry noticed how exhausted he looked. "Not all night. I tried to sleep at home, couldn't, got here 'round three."

He paused, watching Barry in a way that made it seem like he didn't need to say anymore, like Barry was supposed to figure it out from here. He tried, but the pieces didn't fit. Did Cisco come here because it was quieter? Because it was isolated? But that felt too simple. He blinked after a few minutes had gone by, then said, "I, I don't get it, why would sleeping here be better than sleeping at home? Or even in the med bay? At least we have beds up there."

Cisco's next words were quiet and mumbled. He looked embarrassed, almost.

"What?"

"I said, because I designed this cell to dampen metahuman powers!" he barked, then looked away. "I can't sleep because I, I keep vibing things that don't even make sense but they're loud and bright and, and constant. And they make my head hurt and I can't stop shaking afterwards...I watched some random woman give birth. And I saw a dude with three eyes accepting an award for something. A little boy fell out of a tree trying to rescue his cat and he _died_. A kid, I don't know I think it was on Earth 2, was spray painting a love poem on a wall. I saw these...creature things, in a jungle! I saw-"

"Cisco," Barry had grabbed him by the shoulders.

Cisco inhaled, gritting his teeth. "My powers are getting stronger. How do I make it stop?"

Without thinking, Barry pulled the engineer into a hug, holding him tightly despite the tremors running up and down his back. He didn't want Cisco to see his face right now, see how shocked and scared he was for his best friend. Barry liked to think he was pretty good with situations like this. He was the fearless leader, with an endless supply of pep talks and motivational speeches. He liked to think that normally he was good at comforting people. But nothing about this was normal. He felt almost stupid, for never even considering that Cisco could be anything other than okay.

He was always okay. And when he wasn't, he bounced back on his own. He was the, and Barry hated himself for thinking it, the comic relief. Cisco had always been there to ease the tension, and now that he was crumbling under that tension Barry didn't know what to say. So he said nothing, for a long time, hoping the hug might magically fix things. But it didn't, of course, and soon they both pulled away. Barry expected Cisco to be crying, and maybe that would have made it easier.

But Cisco's face was entirely blank, and that was worse.

"I don't know," Barry whispered eventually, "but we'll figure it out. All of us. Together."

It was a lame attempt. Just words that didn't, couldn't possibly mean anything. It wasn't enough and both of them knew it. But they could pretend it was. They could get up and slowly walk back to the cortex together. And they could drink the cold coffees and nibble on hard donuts until the awkward looks became less so. And they could turn on the music, playing it louder and louder until it drowned out everything else.

And it wouldn't be enough. Not now anyway. But they could pretend, and they could wait, until maybe it was.


End file.
